The Blog Identity

Me Tarzan, you need watch?

Lately fate and professional obligation has moved much of my blogging to the Oregonian’s web-borne identity Mostly we’re talking the day-to-day head-scratchy kind of stuff. Such as: What is the deeper meaning of the your spam filter?

Here’s how the first edition went:

Today’s spam report: a critical analysis

[Posted by Peter Ames Carlin, The Oregonian March 12, 2010, 1:34 PM]

My spam filter report arrives just after lunch. Sometimes it’s one of the real highlights of the day, and not just because it’s so difficult to come across mega-doses of free Cialis in the real marketplace. And I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried.

The thing is: the stuff that gets sold via shadowy mass-mailings, and the ways in which shadowy mass-mailers try to get our attention, tell us something about ourselves. Viewed in the aggregate it’s like seeing a catalog to your own id. You may not like to confess your desire for a mail-order wife, instant riches and a romantic life far too ambitious to describe here. But the spammers know what you want. So does your spam filter.

Okay, the headline of the day comes from Stapletonfo, who comes right out of the box with I want to apologize first. Which puts us in the position of being forgiving/magnanimous enough to do some business with Mr. Stapletonfo.Or so they think.

Next up: several correspondents invite us to Be Tarzan in bed, which brings to mind the smell of jungle rot, banana peels and men who travel in the company of monkeys. Good luck, guys.

More promising: Your happiness is now free, which can’t be bad. Nor can: We give your money back if you’re not happy, which is more than I can say for my therapist, but it’s a process, he keeps saying. A process.

Speaking of happiness, a whole slew of goods and services seemingly designed to do dishes, make meals, pick up kids and tidy up the living room. To wit: This is what she REALLY wants. Also: Never let her down again! Except that’s never going to happen – see also: dishes, meals, child-tending, etc. Which brings us right back to: I want to apologize first.

I really, really, do.

Follow the jump for more Spam-centric observational riffitude!

Social studies: Today’s spam filter

March 15, 2010

As we noted last week, spam emails dig deep into the human appetites for sex, drugs and fancy wristwatches. No surprises when it comes to physical gratification and jewelry that says, bling can be utilitarian too, jackson, so just ask me what time it is.

And yet spam producers also consider our deeper needs and feelings. Particularly when it comes to personal validation: You are here. You matter. Your life has not been wasted, no matter how much you paid for that phony Rolex.

: Not sure where that one’s headed, but it feels like a journey I’d want to take. Include me in, Matsui32@accurinc.netzero

!: Sort of generic, but you know you need to know the answer: Selected for what? It’s gotta be good, right? Click!

YOUR LISTING IN WHO’S WHO OF AMERICAN EXECUTIVES: Speaks for itself in that I am not now, nor have I ever been an executive. These guys may have nice wristwatches, they may even know who’s who. But they don’t even know what’s what.

What’s the best Spam you got today?

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